I was wrong. Everyone told me I was wrong, that no, this was not about aliens. I persisted, swearing to God I knew it was and they were just being foolish. Who would watch 80 minutes of men almost fighting wolves and being scared that wolves were out there? It had to be aliens. Again, I was wrong.

I thought this was going to be an epic film about aliens in the deep white dark, but no. It’s about a pack of grey wolves who are hunting some oil worker bros after a plane crash. I’m not terribly sure just why these man against nature movies are so popular; then again when you spend your life dwelling in urban terrain, maybe the appeal is a bit stronger.

“Deadly Wolves Are Gonna Attack, Imma Tape Broken Bottles to My Fists and Recite Poetry”

Barring the fact that wolves typically avoid humans, if you were about to square off in a battle to the death with a pack of wolves and you had a KNIFE, you would not spend time taping busted bottle fragments to your knuckles. Sure it makes a sweet 80s type montage, but it’s pretty much bullshit.

The ending was tightly wrapped up; after arming themselves, a poem is recited and you see the gleaming eyes of the enemy… some wolves. They could have done some CGI scenes of them fighting wolves, but most of the movie is about the suspense that leads up to the meh-climactic ending.

But Liam Neeson against a bunch of grey aliens? You won’t need to have an 80′s montage of him taping a knife and broken bottle shards to his hands! There’ll be more run and gunning than an after dinner session of Modern Warfare 3.

“Homeless” Man #1:
Excuse me sir, me and my friend here just got off the bus from Dallas where we lost everything. We have no jobs and have no money could you spare anything

“Homeless” Man #2:
We have been eating from dumpsters, we even got these clothes out of the trash from up the street next to the glass repair shop. *holds up a t-shirt, sweatpants and a pair of sunglasses.*

“Homeless” Man #1:
The guy that owns that place is a drunk, he started yelling at us for just walking through his parking lot. Telling us that we needed to get jobs and quit bothering people.

“Homeless” Man #2:
What an asshole, he is lucky I’ve been through anger management or I would have beat that drunk fucker’s ass.

“Homeless” Man #1:
Sorry, bout my friend sir he gets worked up sometimes…

At this point I hand a 10 to “Homeless” guy #1 and walk across the street to a local burger place, not even seconds later here comes the “Homeless” two-some.

“Homeless” Man #1:
I am starving!

“Homeless” Man #2:
*Walks over to me* Um, how much did you give my friend?

Me:
A 10

“Homeless” Man #2:
*Wide eyed* Seriously! Aw thanks man. Here I thought that asshole was going to ruin my day .
*Runs over to “Homeless” man #1*  This shit is a waste of money lets go to Burger-King *looks back at me*

Me:
*point off to the right* that way.

“Homeless” Man #1:
But I hungry now.

“Homeless” Man #2:
You can get more at Burger-King

“Homeless” Man #1:
Damn it, okay 

Honestly, I gave them a 10 for the simple fact that they had their shit together and gave me a interesting experience instead of the usual “hey man, got any spare change…” These two modern day bards have just set the bar a little high for everyone in need.