One Of The Lesser Known Presidential Candidates
A white Herman Cain? Check out that pimpalicious jacket!
Vermin Love Supreme, a new true hope for America?
When he’s president, we’ll all get a pony.
- “I’m a friendly fascist, I’m a tyrant you can trust!”
- “A vote for Vermin Supreme is a vote thrown away!”
- “My free pony platform is a job creation platform… ending our dependence on foreign oil.”
- “We will power turbines with zombies, creating energy to lessen our dependence on foreign oil.”
But in reality, Vermin Supreme is actually a delightful performance artist, anarchist and kidney donation activist. His satirical political career began in 1988 when he ran for mayor of Baltimore Maryland, he lost. He ran for mayor of Detroit and Mercury, Nevada, and lost those as well. In 2000, Supreme declared that he was the “Emperor of the New Millennium” and uses it as the main reason in his campaigns that he should be elected president. He’s participated in every Democratic Presidential Primary since 2004, where he garners a small amount of votes each time.
Some find him an embarrassment to the Democratic Party, but to them I say go shit in a hat. A dose of surrealism and a little realism could go a long way towards bettering public opinion. It takes balls to wear a rubber boot on your head as a hat, glitterbomb your opponent at a televised presidential primary debate because “Jesus told you to.”, and of course admit that the whole thing is a sham. When you have nothing to gain by playing party politics, you can be a Bizarro pony entitlement fascist all you like!
You can find out more about him in a movie directs and costars in as himself, “Vote Jesus, the Chronicles of Ken Stevenson”, check it out here! It’s not out in theaters yet, but there’s a trailer about how they infilitrated the heartland’s most notorious subculture: fundamentalist Christians.
But when was the last time you heard the chicken dance as a politician’s closing statement? It’s time for a change America, and that change is Vermin Supreme!
Conversations With Co-Workers
Conversation With The “Homeless”
As I was walking out of a gas station I was approached by two men and well this is what happened.
“Homeless” Man #1:
Excuse me sir, me and my friend here just got off the bus from Dallas where we lost everything. We have no jobs and have no money could you spare anything
“Homeless” Man #2:
We have been eating from dumpsters, we even got these clothes out of the trash from up the street next to the glass repair shop. *holds up a t-shirt, sweatpants and a pair of sunglasses.*
“Homeless” Man #1:
The guy that owns that place is a drunk, he started yelling at us for just walking through his parking lot. Telling us that we needed to get jobs and quit bothering people.
“Homeless” Man #2:
What an asshole, he is lucky I’ve been through anger management or I would have beat that drunk fucker’s ass.
“Homeless” Man #1:
Sorry, bout my friend sir he gets worked up sometimes…
At this point I hand a 10 to “Homeless” guy #1 and walk across the street to a local burger place, not even seconds later here comes the “Homeless” two-some.
“Homeless” Man #1:
I am starving!
“Homeless” Man #2:
*Walks over to me* Um, how much did you give my friend?
Me:
A 10
“Homeless” Man #2:
*Wide eyed* Seriously! Aw thanks man. Here I thought that asshole was going to ruin my day .
*Runs over to “Homeless” man #1* This shit is a waste of money lets go to Burger-King *looks back at me*
Me:
*point off to the right* that way.
“Homeless” Man #1:
But I hungry now.
“Homeless” Man #2:
You can get more at Burger-King
“Homeless” Man #1:
Damn it, okay
Honestly, I gave them a 10 for the simple fact that they had their shit together and gave me a interesting experience instead of the usual “hey man, got any spare change…” These two modern day bards have just set the bar a little high for everyone in need.
Say Hello To The Newest Rapper On The Block
Anne Hathaway!?! Okay sure why not.
The New American Crisis: Public Drunken Babies
This is the third case of a restaurant serving a small child some sort of alcoholic drink. I hope this is a case of “things coming in three” and not some long running problem that is just now coming to the surface. But really how much training can it take to teach a server to tell the difference between alcohol and a non alcoholic drink like apple juice or even better maybe how to card a toddler before serving them a drink
The iPad Is The Reason You Can’t Find A Job
Here is a video of Jesse Jackson Jr. blaming Apple and their product the iPad for the rise in unemployment.
